Hi Jan:
I personally don't think that your expectations are that unreasonable. However, I think that you may need to do a little more research and a little more soul searching.
I too had hoped for a baby that had a birthmother with a "perfect pregnancy". All too soon I realized that this was NOT going to happen. In our application we stated that we did not want a child who was exposed to alcohol or drugs.
Well, it turned out that after reading the bmom's profile and all other paperwork, we decided to meet our son. He was 2 yrs old and in foster care. He had been exposed to cocaine, and some alcohol during pregnancy, and had also been "SHAKEN" at 8 months old. He had been followed very closely right from birth by doctors, and even more so after being placed in foster care.
My son did not suffer from withdrawal from cocaine, but did show one minor effect from the shaking incident. His head grew much faster than the rest of his body. He has since grown into his head (hee hee), and is a beautiful, NORMAL 3 yr old. His language was somewhat delayed, but he is now almost caught up.
Even though his profile was not exactly what we had hoped for, the moment we layed eyes on him the first time, we knew that he was meant to be our son. We went with our "gut feeling", and are very lucky to have been blessed withour little angel.
By the way...we are Jewish and this was never an issue in the adoption process. The birth family and social workers looked at us as people first, and the religion thing was not even a consideration.
There are always going to be unknowns in adoption, just as there are in biofamilies. What appears to be a healthy newborn could be found to have any number of genetic illnesses, or learning disabilities, or even mental illness.
When you find the "right baby" I hope that you take these things into consideration.
Good luck
Tam
