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I am an adoptive mom of two beautiful boys. When we matched with our birthmom it was a dream come true. She is a warm loving girl. We hit it off the first time we spoke on the phone. She was already 7mths pg when we matched and she admitted to smoking heavily and smoking marajuana. We were of course concerned for the babies health but I knew in my heart that this baby and this birthmom were right for us. My son was born 3mths later and was perfectly healthy. I got to hold him when he was only 4hrs old. I spent 3days with my bmom and we developed a wonderful friendship. Unfortunatley she lives in another state so we don't get to see each other but I send her letters and pics often. I received a call from my attorney 13mths after my son was born that my bmom was 7mths pg again and wanted us to adopt her baby. We were floored and excitted. When I finally got to speak to her on the phone after such a long time it was like we never stopped talking.
However, I knew things were different this time. With our first son she always went to her doctor appts. She always kept in close contact with us - this time she disappeared for a few weeks then would call again for a few days then not again for a few weeks. She missed every doctors appt. but one. Fortunatley the one she went to we got to find out we were having another boy! About two weeks before she was due she calls me late at night crying that she has to be honest with me. I was real nervouse and practiclly held my breath waiting for her to go on. she said that she knew with my first son that I was real scared she was going to back out even though I never pressured her she could sense my fear at times. This time she was afraid that I was going to back out. I told her I would never do that, this is my son's brother and I love even the thought of him. She started crying harder apologizing to me up and down and finally admitted to doing cocaine and heroine throughout her pg and was still doing it. I didn't know what to say I just cryed with her. But like I said earlier there was no way I was backing out. This was already my baby in my heart and I loved him.
Less than two weeks later my son was born. He was pretty sick and was in the special care unit. He had terrible withdrawal and had to stay in the hospital for quite a while. He is now 7mths old and doing wonderful!!! We are so proud of him. He is the light of our live and I couldn't imagine my life without him. I think the difference between your story and mine was that my heart told me this was right, no doubts - fears yes but no doubts. I trully believe you have to follow your heart. I have two beautiful boys and one wonderful bmom! I don't think I could go through an adoption with her not being my bmom. I don't think I could have the relationship I have with her with anyone else. Sorry I went on and on like this but bottom line is follow your heart. I beleive that there are babies out their meant for us. That the reason I could not have bio children is because my boys were meant to be with us! They were the babies I was meant to raise and she was the women meant to be my life long friend. I think of her everyday and a peice of her is always with us through them!
Good luck in your search!
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