[vickisc]

Dear Jan...You show strength and courage! It's easy for everyone not in your situation to give advice. I am a Mom to both adopted and bio children. We all know that things happen in life and throughout life that can cause trauma and disabilities that will change our lives. You are talking about makinga choice about a situation you know about upfront. You made the decision with an open mind and your heart and I'm sure it was not easy. Our daughter, who is 4 now, has had some medical and emotional problems. She is a blessing and joy to our BIG family(7 kids much older than her). The bmom who we met through a mutual friend came to us and asked us to adopt her. She told us she drank some until she was 6 months pregnant but did no drugs. To make a very long story short my oldest daughter knew one of the potential birthfathers named. She went to school with him. She ran into him a few weeks ago and through that conversation he agreed to meet with me. He saw our daugher after agreeing he would not say anything to her. He has agreed to a DNA. The bmom told me they had a year relationship which I have now found out was nothing more than sex over a few nights. The potential bfather was so drugged he barely remembers her saw pictures I had. He has somewhat turned his life around although not completely. He said she most likely would have been doing the same drugs as him if she was hanging with him. So that explains a great deal to us! I have talked to our attorney before I met with him. The adoption is secure and we were advised to go ahead with the DNA. He understands it is for medical reasons and so she can know who he is when she is old enough. If she wants a relationship that will be fine and I will help her. He wants to know also as he is 25 and already knows he has 4 children. My daughter has the same strawberry blond hair that three of his other children have, which is like his. I feel lucky that this man met with me but also knowing his past a little uneasy. I wish with all my heart that the bmom would have been more truthful with us. Just wanted to share mystory with you and wish you the best in finding your child.
Vicki