I am new to this site but am hoping someone with a similar experience might be able to offer some advice. About 12 yrs ago I asked my a/mom for the name of my b/mom and she gave it to me no questions asked. She did say if i found anything out to tell her....and i didnt because i didnt want to hurt her since she was so sad and hysterical in giving me the name in the first place. So i carried the "secret" and a long distance relationship for a few yrs, but it was a bit overwhelming and so i eventually cut ties. In doing so i severed ties with 2 half brothers as well which i had quite a connection with.
Anyway, to my shock last week she tracked me down (after name changes of being married and a nonlisted number) and i felt more irritation and anxiety than happiness or excitement. I am extremely excited about reuniting with my 1/2 brothers...but that is different.
I feel some of my anxiety comes from this "secret" i have carried with me for all these years of contacting her, but to tell my a/mom & family wouldnt help solve anything.
I guess my issue before was not setting boundries with my b/mom, so she thought she had the right to dictate as to what our relationship would be about....and now married, with a family of my own i will not allow anyone to dictate to me. I feel selfish for finding out, bringing them into my life, and leaving, and she said she just wants us to be "friends". That to me feels like i am betraying my a/family. So needless to say i have this mixed set of emotions in wanting to have a relationship w/ my 1/2 bros but wanting distance from my b/mom...and then I have this big ugly secret.
I probably confused you if you got to the bottom of my post....but if anyone has advice or similar experiences i would love to hear about them!
