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Originally Posted By Jerry

There's really a couple of ways we've handled this. Holding can and does work, but it can be dangerous for you and the child. I believe that you have to be calm and NOT get angry if you choose to hold a tantruming child (not always an easy task when your being hit and kicked). I don't even think Martha Welch recommends trying a holding when a child is tantruming.

Since really what you're trying to do is "short circut" the tantrum one of the most effective methods we've used is water. Usually a glass of water in the face. Over the weekend I dropped our screaming and writhing child into the pool fully dressed (it's not a deep pool). When she came back up she didn't know what to do, I was assured she was okay so I left her there. The only thing I said is that "I'll be inside with the family, come in when you're ready." Ahah you say!!!! she just played in the pool. She did for about 20 minutes and then came in side, but she was calm. I told her if she wanted to talk about being mad to let me know. She did about 5 minutes later.

I don't think you want to do this when it's cold out, so the glass of water is really the most practical approach. It's important to remember that you don't talk until they're calmed down. DON"T reinforce their bad behavior. The family doesn't communicate by yelling, crying or whinning. Once those behaviors are over we are willing to talk.

Another approach we've used is isolation from the family. Again, the message is we don't want to be around you when you are hurting yourself or others (what goes hand in hand is constructive release of physical tension...later). For now we just put them outside, or in their room. Using the same approach over and over can backfire. Be creative, and be prepared. You can learn the tantrum warning signs and also learn to help your child release some of their anger before they explode. My favorite tantrum avoidance technique is the giant plastic baseball bat. After the first few times of showing the kids how to take the bat out and hit the side of a large tree until tired or feeling better they catch on. Now they'll come and ask for the bat on their own. You'll have to find a good source for these because they are not available year round. I'm looking for a new one now!!LOL!!!

What you don't want to do is be controlled by the tantrum. Because once they learn that, they can make your life a living hell. If you need to, walk away, get away for even a brief moment to "compose" yourself. Our oldest daughter threw a tantrum in the store when she was maybe 3. We told her we had to finish shopping and hoped she wouldn't mind being stared at by the other shoppers while we did that. We didn't get maybe 10 feet and she was up and at our side. Of course we knew that wouldn't continue to work, so future episodes meant being removed from the store and sitting in the car with mom or dad. BUT we read or listened to the radio NOT the tantruming child. We had very few tantrums after age 3 with our first and none with our oldest son. Now we have different varieties with our new 3!!!LOL!! Remember be creative! A few weeks ago the youngest was just about to go full blown and I started jumping around and acting like an excited chimpanzee hopping from the furniture and all (making the most wonderful excited chimp noises I could muster)

  He was so shocked he just stared at me until I went up and hugged him. He said, "daddy, what were you doing!!" I told him I saw a monkey at the zoo who got mad at his dad and that's what he did. He said "oh, do I look like that?????!!!!!

Which brings me to the last technique we've used. The video camera is about as real and stark as you can be. After we talk and if there's ANY question about what happened I bring out the tape. I think this is the one all of our kids hate the most. Use it sparingly, and keep it private. I always ask our kids, "I don't think this is your good side can I erase this now that you've seen it?" They've never asked to keep it.