[Archive]

It is always difficult to know what a child's life has been like before they came into care. You get bits and pieces of information and it is up to the prospective adoptive parents to fill in the blanks. We knew that our children had suffered domestic violence and substance abuse. What we didn't know is that they went without food and suffered neglect. Those were some blanks that we should have filled in. We didn't make that stuff real. We knew it in words but did not translate it into how that would effect our lives. Our kids inherited some mental illness and personality traits that also explain how their bparents made the choices they made. I later found out that one child, as an infant, had been left in the open trunk of a car at night while the parents were inside drinking. This child was later diagosed with moderate attachment disorder. This child had been removed at 20 months.

I certainly don't want to discourage you, and this precious being deserves the loving home you can provide. Knowing what I know now, I would get an evaluation for attachment. There is so much you can do with early strategies, especially before the age of 3. It is simply a matter of emphasizing eye contact, rocking, singing and focussing on some specific behaviors that you may not normally focus on as much, that can make all the difference in the world. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you all.