Originally Posted By
barki
I just cried when I read your post. How sad for this child.
( I think for me that the past history of the children is one of the more difficult things about adoption.
Yes, our son really tantrummed when he was younger. He still does on occaision, but not like he used to. Due to his small stature we could carefully hold him if we were in public, or put him in his crib if we were at home. The crib was a reasonably safe place. He'd throw himself around, though, with no thought to his personal safety. His fm bought a bike helmet for him because she had tile floors and her main room had built-ins that had sharp corners.
He'd get so worked up that he was unable to stop. He'd even want to stop, but couldn't get it together. I'd put him in his crib only until he could calm down a little bit. There was no outside stimulation, so he would USUALLY start to calm down within 10 minutes or so. Sometimes he'd go on for longer, though. Now he knows that when he's in his crib he can just calm down. The tantrums are not like what they used to be, but we do still see them at times. Usually there are triggers and I'm working on identifying this and seeing what we can do to help him deal with them. Loud voices are a trigger, DD getting in trouble is a trigger, tiredness (of course!), hunger, thirst, disrupted schedule, etc. LOL
As Pam said, in a bizarre way I too was able to us this as a bonding time. He'd be so upset but when he started to calm down he'd sometimes let me hold him and we'd just talk about nonsense until he had himself in control again.
We'd talk about ways for him to learn to control himself, too. I know he didn't understand all of them, but by talking about him being angry and doing naughty things we started to establish rules of conduct. It opened communication that we are still working on today. Having a tantrum is never acceptable, no matter how much we understand why he's upset and all. Teaching -- over time -- the acceptable ways to be frustrated and angry is the goal in working with a child who is tantrumming. Don't let the tantrumming manipulate you or scare you. If it does scare you, get a counsellor to work with you on strategies for this child in particular.
Also, there were times when I'd make him sit on my lap after a tantrum. He'd be worn out and more receptive(? not really "receptive" but less likely to fight it) to cuddling. Now he does cuddle with me more, but at first it was a real trial to get him to sit with me.
Trauma in toddlers is an interesting thing and needs some special attention. Re-read (again!) that section in Toddler Adoption. She talks about some of these things in there. Be sure to keep us posted.
)