[redbonec]

Teegrainca,
While open adoption can be a wonderful thing, it also has its' own dilemas to work through.
We are in an open adoption. I have had many times already when I feel insecure when I think or speak to our daughter's birthmother. We do have a great relationship, and she is so wonderful. She has two other children, with whom her relationship with them is excellent. So, many times I have already wondered if I can be as good a mom as she is.
I have wondered if our daughter is in the right place, or would she have been better with her birthmother's family. And, later, when our daughter will hopefully meet her birth-siblings, will she feel that she would rather have ben there?
I have even wondered if she has ever felt that maybe after getting to know us, she wished she would have chosen someone else. That last part stems from the fact that for a short time she had felt she would go with another couple for a while, then began exploring other options/families when she went to the agency. (This other couple are friends of ours, and a couple of the birthmother's friends were trying to get her and the other couple together. She had decided, though, that certain things she wanted she may have found in another couple, and knew that she would look at other families when she contacted the agency.)
Our daughter's birthmother has never said anything that would make me feel these things. They come from my own self. She is always glad to hear that we are enjoying our daughter so much, and she always refers to her as "your daughter", "your baby", "your girl", etc., so I don't know why I have to have these feelings.
These feelings are uncomfortable, and I don't like them either. I guess that's why I have never told anyone. This is my first time to speak about it. But, I think maybe as I feel more secure as a parent, these feelings will start to subside, I hope. I don't feel this way all the time, but like you said, the feelings of insecurities do sneak in.
I don't have any answers for you. I can only tell you that you are not alone and you do have support here.