[bmLisa]

Hi Jan

I found my son's parents through Lutheran Social Services. I am not Lutheran and neither are my aparents, but that was the agency I felt most comfortable with. They really provide a lot of support for me even now, a year after Cole's birth. I read about 25 "Dear Birthmother" letters, and after narrowing my choices down to 4 families was able to hear more in depth personal information that my social worker read from their profiles. I have been asked before what it was about their letters that attracted me to them, and I honestly don't remember anything specific. I know that the dear birthmom letters are very important in that it is the first exposure that we have to families waiting to adopt, but sometimes I think that hopeful parents worry too much about what to, and what not to, include in their letters. Once I finally met Kevin and Susan, it just felt right. It was kind of a magical moment. Instead of being nervous and scared, I felt at ease and the more I heard about them, the more sure I was that they were the ones. I learned more about them, their personalities and their views on life from the stories they told me about eachother. They didn't try to give me a crash course in who they were, instead treated me like an old friend who needed some catching up. Best of all, we could laugh together in a very stressful, unsure time. I do acknowledge the importance of the letter, it was what came after that first glimpse that mattered the most.


One piece of advice that I wish I could give every birthmom is this: Please, please, please make sure that you get enough counseling before you make your decision to place your child for adoption. Learn all of your choices, even if any of them do not seem possible - only then will you be able to feel that you are doing the right thing. Also make sure that you will be provided with post placement counseling. For families looking to adopt: I think that you need to take a more pro-active role in how your birthmother makes her decision to place - please make sure that your perspective birthmom also receives counseling, I think it will make your journey together much easier, and prepare her to be able to communicate more effectively with you.

I am not a very religious person, but I do feel that things happen for a reason. At first I felt that life was being so unfair to me for this to happen. After meeting Kevin and Susan I realized that what was just as unfair was for these two wonderful people never to be parents. It was just meant to be.

I am not sure if this is what you wanted, but here it is. I hope it helps, even if only a little.

hugs
Lisa