[stronglove]

Dear Friends,

Your posts really went right to my heart just when I needed it. I can't tell you what it means to hear that kind of feedback from birthmoms. As my reactions to the drug screen were pathologized ( I was "expressive") -- I touched a place in my heart for all of you, who also must have dealt with other peoples' judgement and scrutinity of your decisions. I'd love to put you all on my adoption team as the story unfolds, because your expertise is like no others! Darcy, when your e-mail came it was ltruly a gift at the perfect time. So much gets focused on bmoms choosing us which of course, is unbalanced -- because just as much, I hoped I would choose her as well. And in our case, there was deception. (which I understand is a tactic of the addiction and does not necessarily speak to her intentions and courage.)

Right now, we are considering whether and how much outreach to do on our own so we don't have to rely entirely on our agency. Actually, the agency is currently working with a large group of bmoms so the chances are good that ultimately, there will be a match. There are some things about us, however, that may or may not fit the generalities of most of the women they work with.

We are Jews and most of the bmoms in the pool are of Christian background. Not only that, but my husband is a rabbi of a creative, progressive community. I think what comes across most about us in our book which bmoms see, is that we are encircled by a loving community with a rich legacy committed to spirituality, God and making the world a better place. We also have a close-knit group of loved ones from many cultures and places and live in a multi-cultural neighborhood. We have what our workers call a "juicy" book full of what's real about us because we could not hold back from extending what is most genuine about us! ( I also made a tape of music for our prospective bmom with recorded songs of support).

Perhaps the cultural/religious differences will be just the thing that some bmom is attracted to, or maybe it will be something else all together separate about us that creates that connection and sense that her child belongs with us. On the other hand, we do have some worry that the cultural differences can be a stumbling block for many. Do you all have some thoughts about this? Would some of you have considered placing outside your own culture/faith? And for that matter, how did you find a right match for your child? Was it through books made by prospective aparents? The internet? Word of mouth?

Thanks again for the support here. I really value hearing bmothers voices while I navigate these waters.

Warmly,
Jan