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First, let me agree with Beth. In our experiences, there have been very few 'good' caseworkers who genuinely felt the need to have the 'right child with the right family'. In some cases, we had cw'ers who tried to guilt us out of removal of a child. She told me, "I know YOU.....I know that you will not be able to live with yourself if you let this child go!"
Two years later, the child went into residential after he tried to hurt/kill other children---again! (sigh)
You mention the need for open adoptions. There are good and bad open adoptions, as there are good and bad 'closed' adoptions. I would ask you to re-consider your thinking on this---IF it is solely the reason you wouldn't choose a particular situation.
For us, the saying of 'no'....to any situations (and we have said 'no')....were for several reasons, and never just for one. And you know what, that's good---for whatever your reasons are (even if the open-ness is that big of a deal for you). Because, as the other posters have said, 'It IS your family.....it will be YOU who will have to deal with any problems this child has!"
Believe me, the CPS and others won't be raising this child or staying up late at night trying to deal with him/her when the going gets rough! No, they'll be saying to you, "Well.....YOU took him/her!!!!!"
---Few of them ever have a clue with this kind of stuff.
---Do what your gut tells you to do, and settle for nothing less. This is your life. This is your child's life. Both of you deserve the best of each other.
Keep your chin up, regarding the re-do of endless paperwork and such. I KNOW this is SUCH a hassle. We have gone through this more than I could count---homestudies, fingerprints, references, invasive questions. We even had one agency that had us take a test (after something like 18yrs of marriage) that actually asked, "How many times per month do you have sex?" And, "Is this sex satisfying for you?"
(sigh...........)
Let's just say that people who have never adopted, have NO clue---I don't care what their title is. And the bottom line is: "Go with your heart. Accept the babies/children you feel led to. Realize that the ones you turn down, were probably meant to be someone else's child/baby. And.......nothing worth having is seldom easily had. (someone else said that, not me).......it's the truth when you're going through this mire of adoption.
Hang in there.....
Sincerely,
Linny
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