[teegrainca]

Oooooooh! I hate this feeling I'm having right now.... and I hope that no one here will be judgemental, but rather supportive. Perhaps some of you know where I'm coming from.

We adopted our daughter in May and chose an open adoption. We met and fell in love with my daughter's original family and believe that open adoption is what's best for our baby.

Here's the problem... it doesn't stop occassional feelings of insecurity from sneaking in. I just sent my daughter's first mom pictures of the two of them from our last visit and she called me this morning raving about them. I am happy that I can make her so happy and hope that someday my daughter will appreciate it, as well.... but there is just a feeling of insecurity that comes over me when I hear her talk about our daughter.

I was able to reason those feelings out, but just now I got a message from her birthfather saying that he posted new pictures on his myspace and there's one of our daughter with a note under it that says, "My Daughter". I almost wanted to cry when I saw it. My heart says, "SHE'S MY DAUGHTER"... even though I know that's not all there is to it. She IS my daughter... but she is their daughter too. Sometimes I find it hard to share, even at a distance.

I feel selfish and silly. I love our daughter and want her to be healthy and happy physically and emotionally... and I think we are doing our best at helping her be that by choosing an open adoption. I would never share these feelings with her birth family... I wouldn't want them to feel uncomfortable expressing themselves. I guess I just wonder if anyone else feels the way I do from time to time... and if I am going to have to fight these demons for the next... rest of my life.

I have been and remain totally committed to open adoption, even though I don't find it easy all of the time. Is there anyone who has felt the way I do? Do you have any words of advice?