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I don't have any words of wisdom or practical advice for you. I have not been in your shoes and cannot imagine the pain you and your DH must be experiencing.
Your son is a man now. He has made choices and must live with the consequences. You did the best you could to raise him, but he is who he is, strengths and weaknesses and all. You cannot and should not continue to beat yourself up about his issues. You did your best. Be there for him should he return to you, but I would not become an enabler or a repeat victim.
At this point, you do what is best for you.
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