[sonyaj]

Just wanted to ask if your counselor is one who really is thinking first about your needs. I think that counselors from adoption agencies can often be ones who say that they consider your needs, but might in some subtle (or not so subtle) ways be more supportive of adoption. Also, I think your reaction to the comments "wouldn't be your place" do mean something; if you want to be the mom and that is what is in your heart, maybe first try to find a solution that would make that possible. (And I'd agree, backing off from talking with the potential adoptive mom might be an important part of that process.) You have the right to do what you want -- of course there's always someone who can provide more, or maybe even be a better parent in some way, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't choose to be her parent. Finding a solution, financial and emotional, that makes parenting possible may help you clarify what you want. It might feel like a relief and what you want to do or clarify that you want to make the decision to have her adopted. There is a huge loss in adoption.... when your daughter needs something or is scared, she will turn to her adoptive mom; it won't be equal between the two of you. She will be the psychological parent and I think adoption, no matter how open, doesn't change that. Anyway, just some thoughts -- I wish you the best as you work your way through this.