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I don't know about the whole idea of sending money to the child or setting up a college fund for the child.
I whole heartedly agree with having visits, buying her gifts, writing her and having phone calls.
But for some reason the idea of sending her money just doesn't sit right. I don't know.
If your choosing the family because they can financially give her everything you can't at this moment....why worry about sending her money or setting up her college fund...especially if she already will have one.
I mean money is wonderful and all...especially when it means going to college. But as an adoptive parent I think I'd be afraid that your trying to buy her love or PROVE...you were capable of providing for her. If your determined to prove that to her...why not prove it to her while your parenting her? Why experience that loss...and seperation...when ultimatley you know you WILL be able to provide for her and give her a financially stable life even if it starts out kinda rough or needing some help from the state.
What your daughter will need from you most....wether you parent her or place her....is your love, your commitment to her and your interest in her.
i just hate to think of you focusing so much on the money aspect of it. because Money should not be the only reason to place a child...and no amount of money you could give that child later will "make-up" for the financial stuff you couldn't provide for her now and the decision to place her.
I think the choice to place her for adoption should be less focused on money and what they can provide (over what you can provide) and look at it as this is your child....she doesn't need to wear the best clothes or most expensive diapers. She doesn't need to have a horse and a big ranch. Yes all those things are great but you don't have to have those things to have a happy childhood filled with love and security.
Sometimes it's good for children to grow up in a lifestyle where they see their family...WORK... to keep food on the table and bills paid. It's a valuable life lesson that not every "rich" kid learns....many times they just take it all for granted.
Think of how much more they will appreciate college or the EXTRA stuff if they learn to work for it. That teaches the child a much more valuable lesson and greater appreciation and respect for themselves.
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