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Just say sorry
I also experienced a failed placement. For me, the best response was "I'm sorry for your loss" followed by a hug or just silence. The worst responses were "everything happens for a reason," and "don't worry-- your baby will find you/ you will be a mom one day." Actually, the latter was the absolute, absolute worst, and it still stings when I hear it from people, even though I know they mean well. It also bothered me when people went on and on about "what I must be going through."
The bottom line is, the best, most comforting thing (for me anyway) is just a simple acknowledgement of the loss, and nothing more.
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