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Congratulations on being raised in a loving family and being sought out by your birthmother. I am a birthmother and have some thoughts from that perspective.
First, unfortunately in the adoption triad there are people that get hurt. The birthmother hurts when she is unable to raise her child and for many, many years after when she longs for contact with that child. The adoptive parents hurt when they cannot have a child - and then once blessed with one, hurt with feelings of that child abandoning them for another family. These hurts are apparently part of this old triad. I say old because it appears many, many more adoptions are open where all parties involved can benefit from knowing each other all the way through life.
Second, it saddens me to hear you put sooooo many restrictions on your possible relationship with your birthmom. I see this on here frequently with adoptees. There is such a blatant loyalty to the aparents, that you set barriers on your possible relationship with your birthmom. You do not put such limitations on friends or possible friends that enter your life. You just let those relationships bloom and see what happens. Wouldn't all parties be best served to have the same opportunity here? Haven't you ever been so close to someone that was not family, that you called them "Auntie" or "Uncle"? Would it be so bad if you had a closeness with the woman that gave birth to you and considered her family? Does that take something away from the woman that raised you? In my opinion - it does not. We can all benefit from having many people loving us. I do not always sense that from some adoptees.
In totally my opinion, I would say, you are keeping your parents informed and involved. You are quite past 18 years of age, so that is probably more than some non-adopted adults have done (Meaning myself included, I do not tell my parents everytime I meet sometime new. I may tell them if our relationship becomes significant). Do what you are comfortable with as far as your birthmom. You may want to meet your bio-sibs at some point and you may develop a relationship with them. Do you think you may be so adamant about not having a relationship because you think they may reject you? You may all benefit from knowing each other.
Good luck to you!!!
Erikka
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