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Ky, the agency we worked with pretty much said that we "had" to sign their OA agreement which pretty much provided for letters and updates. Dh and I were OK with that (but did not want to have visits - - DH is an adult adoptee from a closed situation and thinks that's "best"). Anyway, when we met DD's birth family, they were just really wonderful, nice people and after the baby was born, it seemed "weird" to not have contact with them.....Birth mom asked for a visit per year around the time of DD's birth....DH and I were still a little "freaked out" about it (we had DD home with us at the time), but agreed.
In any event, we send lots of updates, have occasional phone calls and had a nice visit in May....I find that it is really helpful to know I can pick up the phone and call DD's birth mom and she me....It definitely has its challenges (i.e., at times, you may want MORE contact than the birth family, at times they may want MORE contact than you do, etc...), but if you approach it with great respect, I think it can really work out well for your child, for your family and for the birth family. Good luck!
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