[sugarbabysmommy]

Lifegoestoofast...

Another poster, Loveajax, mentioned three books, I encourage you to get them as soon as possible and start reading. The sooner you read to your son and the tell him the story of how entered this world and how he joined your family the more normal it will become for him and for YOU. Talking about adoption is not a one time deal, like other posters have shared, it's an ever evolving process and the more you do it the better you get at it, the more comfortable you become and the more you normalize it for your son and for the rest of the family. Please, please do not hide something as essential as how your child came into this world and into your life from him. Waiting doesn't make sense, you'll only get more worried, more concerned someone esle will tell him. I know you are expressing your love for him by saying he came from your heart, but imagine the creative mind of a child and what they would do with this information. If he hears that other babies come from tummies, uteruses, bellies and he is told he comes from your heart... that's pretty wild if you think about it. He didn't materialize into thin air one day, he was born, he had life before he joined your family (even if it was just a few days) and it's ok, in fact it's wonderful to share that with him.

I'm an adoptive mom, my three year old has been told from the very beginning about being born to X and Y and that they chose us to be mom and dad. it will be awhile before our child understands and really gets adoption but the ground work is there. And yes, my child may be sad when my child realizes that to join our family our child had to lose a family. I can't wipe that pain away, make it all better by loving my child enough, all I can do is sit with my child in their sadness and be a source of unending, nonjudgemental support. If my child is sad, feels adoption grief, my child has a right to those feelings and it won't be about my lack of loving parenting. Remember that, I know you fear being rejected, but you are your child's greatest source of support and it's not about you, it's about their feelings as they relate to adoption.

I'm sorry to sound so forceful, this is a subject close to my heart. Tapestry Books online has some great books (it's an adoption book web site) and Pactadopt.org has wonderful articles on a variety of topics.