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We started explaining to our son somewhere around 2 or 3 how he was born to his birth mommy in Guatemala, then lived with his foster mommy until we picked him up. After so long, we asked if he wanted to see her picture, and shared the two pix we have of her. He is 5 now, and seems comfortable explaining where he came from. Does that mean he really understands? I think so; he now registers a sense of loss that he doesn't know her or can't see her. I feel comfortable with how we've done things.
I have a friend who is in her late 30's and was adopted. She said from her earliest memories, her parents told her a story about two loving parents picking a red headed baby girl out of a room full of other children because she was so beautiful and they knew she was theirs. Eventually, in her own way and time, she came to understand that they were talking about her. I thought that was kinda neat, considering how many years ago that was.
All children are different, so timing can be important, but everything we have read or heard does say that it is usually best to be open from a young age.
Goodluck,
Michelle
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