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I think that each child is different in their understanding of adoption. Some are more sensitive and inquisitive, some less so. Our 9 year old son has many questions and feelings about his birthmother (he doesn't even have a photo) and our 8 year old daughter has a more open relationship with her birthmother, speaking to her on the phone. She considers her birthmother a "friend" and seems very relaxed about it (so far). One think I did when our son was very young was, even as an infant, driving in the car, saying to him "mommy and daddy are so glad we adopted you . . . so lucky to have you in our lives." I thought that it would make him very comfortable with the "adoption" word. We are very open with all of our children. There are also post-adoption groups out there that counsel children when they get to the age of being more curious and having more questions. They would likely meet with a birthmother who placed and be able to ask questions of her and relate to other children with the same questions.
Josie
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