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First I want to tell you that from what I read you seem like an excellent candidate to adopt. Your decision not to adopt an available baby takes a lot of strength which to me suggests that your heart is in the right place. Rather than fullfilling your need to get a baby at any cost, you followed your gut. By doing so, you have decided that you will not settle for just any adoption, but the right one...a lesson that both adoptive parents and birthparents should take to heart.
There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are not willing to adopt a baby with less than ideal circumstances. Some people think that if adoptive parents want a baby so badly that they should take whatever comes, but I believe it would be detrimental to the child to be adopted out of a sense of obligation to the less fortunate.
If you are really commited to the open adoption you describe (and I hope you are) then there will be many opportunities for you. For reading, I recommend "the Open Adoption book" by Bruce Rappaport and "The Spirit of Open Adoption" by James L. Gritter. I'm sure that there are others out there but I think both of these should be required reading for all adoptive parents and birthparents considering any kind of adoption.
I'm saddened to hear about your situation because as a birtmother I hate that we are most often viewed as teenage drug addicts. I don't believe the majority of birthmothers fit that profile. I believe the best adoptions will occur between people like you who are willing to say no and wait for the one that feels right.
Good luck to you.
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