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Most of our adoptions are closed in most ways. Only one has been completely closed in that we had NO info at all for our child.
Let me assure you, it isn't as 'hard' as you might think it is. Not every child is longing to know what their birthmother looked like; not every child is going to grieve and such because the person who bore him/her chose not to be involved with their life.
Let's also not assume we can know the reasonings behind the choice either. We have found it best, to simply tell what we know, explain what we can, and go from there. We have two infants who are now adults---grown and on their own. There were no letters or contact with either set of biologicals; and our children did not grieve or feel anger and such that you might be thinking will happen in your own case. In fact, they have express that they are glad we did not do continued letters/photos.
My point is, whether anyone has an open or semi or closed adoption, the main idea is to be honest and frank with whatever questions your child brings to you. When they are grown, support them should they choose to search for biological 'roots'. If not, don't pressure them...and don't project any possible assumed feelings of any kind of loss to your child, that actually might not be there. If they are, talk to your child, etc.
We've found that honesty and open-ness in OUR relationship with our children--to answer any questions with the answers we know, to not try to assume anything on the part of the biologicals, has proven to be the best of all.
Sincerely,
Linny
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