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closed adoption wanted by birthmom (long)
Hi All, we are going to bring home our new daughter (few months old very soon).
Anyway, when we initially contacted this agency we were very eager for a semi/open adoption. Having been fosterparents who get to know the parents we have seen the benefit for all involved. I really wanted our little girl to know her mom, even if there were not visits. Well it turns out the birthmother does not want anything released, no last name, no photos, plus she has other kids and no info on them.
I am sad... I feel really strange emotions like our daughter won't know her bmom, yet she will have a amom. I guess I had this idea of how it would be and now we "can't" have that for her - i feel so well, almost betrayed (please I don’t want to offend anyone) to not even be able to tell her what her first mom looked like.
How have others dealt with this???
Mostly I don’t want my feelings to be projected onto our daughter, kwim?
BTW just to be clear we will sent updates twice a year with letter and photos to the agency if the birth mother shows up again, the agency has agreed (at her request) to not ever contact or try to find her. I feel sad she was/is so distressed to have to have done this.
The agency is generally very pro open adoption, but its the birthmothers decision.
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