[Forever_family]

Just my two cents. We are foster/adopt and have had full AA and Biracial children. Some of the biracial children/parents look full AA and while some of the biracial children I have had look more hispanic/italian then AA they are still part of the AA community. I too don't understand how you can be open to biracial and not AA?

In answer to your question we decided before we entered foster/adopt (and now private infant adoption) we would always put our foster children/bio children before extended family. My family and my dh's family are very comfortable with us adopting a child of another race and are part of who we are. They have raised us to be tolerant. However, my dh's Grandma is racist....she's old school and was raised to be this way and while nobody supports her views she is quite loud and pushy, the decision we made is that as much as we love her we would not have her part of our lives if she was going to say anything remotely racist in our company. Regardless of adopting a child of another race those views will not be presented to my CC children in any way shape or form. I've worked hard to teach my children the opposite. She lives in another country, but we do see her once or twice a year. Thankfully she has graciously backed down when instead of ignoring her views I queitly refute them. When she found out we were fostering a full AA baby she was surprisingly happy to meet him and adored him. Nothing remotely racist was said or done since this time...we figure she doesn't have much longer to live but perhaps we have made a difference with her misconceptions she carried from her parents.

As hard as it would have been she would not be part of our lives if the opposite had happened. I am from rural America, I did not have any association with anyone AA until I moved away from my small town after HS. My mom is the most loving accepting person that I know, however, she is naive and says things that she totally means in an innocent way that could be misconstrued to be racists. For example on our vacation we were out to eat and our little AA foster guy was doing pull ups on the table at the restaurant. My mom was laughing at this and said very loud "what a little monkey." Meaning it in innocently as she said that to all toddlers who climb. My brother quickly informed her that was racially derogatory, I didn't even have to say a word. She didn't know and was very embarrased and sorry, she won't make the mistake again. The people I have a hard time with were those who were more sublte in their sterotyping. It usulaly was an unsolicited comment regarding our foster son's mother and blanketed the misconception across all AA. I would quickly correct them in as polite a way that I could but in a firm way.

I've found that this is a delicate subject as most of us in the CC community do not want to be viewed as racist but may have certain misconceptions or carry some rasism in our hearts.

We have two children who are CC. I have worked very hard to teach them to be respectful of all people, all cultures, all religions. I have taught them that we judge people based on what we know about that person not what another person who may look or talk like them does. My 6 and 10 year old understand this, if an adult cannot then they do not need to be part of our lives whether or not we are a biracial family.

We have been blessed to live internationally and to be immersed in other cultures as a family. I love that my children have a wide view of the world and anyone that would dare try and narrow that view would get some words from me, and have received words from me.

I feel that when things are said or done in front of you even if your child is not present but espeically in front of your child that are remotely questionable you must be 100% on the side of zero tolerance and politely but firmly hold your ground. I would think that if there is a member of the family who is consistantly being racist you would cut ties with that person until they come around and if they don't come around then that relationship would be ended.

L