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You have stated that you hope one bigot in the family will not make this choice for you. But, it would seem that he is/will.
If my relatives were as your FIL, then none of my children--regardless of skin tone or adopted/biological status---would be allowed to be around him at all---or at the most, very little.
Our own family has chosen a route that if any people (family or otherwise) have a problem with our multi-racial make-up, then they are simply out of the picture and not worth dealing with at all. It is basically an 'all or nothing' attitude, and it's been that way for many, many years.
I have a relative that we think may 'feel differently' about our children vs. his biological grandchildren. He has never openly come out to state this, but, if he were to make any comment about it, his days in visiting our family would be over. Why would we want this type of behavior around any of our children----regardless of the reasoning, the behavior is unacceptable and ridiculous, KWIM?
You and dh alone will have to decide; but personally, it would be all or nothing. If the ties to this person are very strong, then your choices are limited.
I aplogize if this seems too blunt, I mean no disrespect to you; but in my book, racism is alive, because it is tolerated.
Sincerely,
Linny
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