...with most of the above. I would just add that many older children who have attachment capability want a family so badly that they will try to change just about everything they can to achieve one. This is doubly true for parentified oldest sibs of an intact group. Unfortunately this huge effort is hard for them to sustain over time. Helping them to become themselves, and overcoming their fear of loss, become the parental tasks.
Also, I can't leave this thread without a pitch for adopting teenagers. Its a different relationship of course, more of a limited partnership, but very worthwhile in the long run. And there are thousands who would jump at the chance if it was ever offered to them in a way that they can understand.
Graham
