I too have a kid with attachment issues....we got her when she was 8, so I couldn't co-sleep or wear her
It is a tremendous struggle. My one piece of advice if you find yourself in this situation is to find someone else in this situation....they will be the only ones to understand you. Everyone else will think you are crazy, but a parent who has been through this Hell will understand you from the word go....and you would NEVER believe how comforting that is!