[romee_1101]

Hello,

Thanks for posting this. Many people post about their love at first sight experiences and the fact that their baby settled in almost imediately. While not to invalidate people who have been lucky enough to have this experience, many of us have not.

I didn't even have a honeymoon period. I visited at 8 months (I would have gone earlier, but I did not get PA until April - long story on DNA) and I saw some things even then. He loved his FM and he was VERY attached to the whole family (four kids, grandma, etc.)

Mattie did not cry when he left his FM nor did he throw any fits but he slept fitfully (threw himself around the crib), woke up screaming a couple of times, hit and scratched at me, pulled his hair, would not eat, and did the pick me up NO put me down dance (which often consisted in him flinging himself backward and arching his back). His general demeanor was that of a very unhappy, angry baby who thought I was ok some of the time, but mostly he just wanted me to go away.

He has now been home six weeks and while things are MUCH better, he still has days and sometimes just an hour or two here and there where I can see and feel him struggling.

I have done a lot of the attachment parenting techniques - cosleeping, cobathing, bottle feeding, carrying. While I don't carry him as much as some do, I don't use a stroller at all. We usually go on one and sometimes two walks a day. I carry him in the pack when I go shopping (Ergo). I am a single mom and my mom is the only other adult who I have allowed to care for him. I plan on taking five months off work.

His eye contact with me is sometimes sketchy, but he will hold on to me now, give me actual kisses, and lean into me while patting me. He is definitely on his way, but it has not been easy!

I think the difficult thing with attachment is that every baby has different ways of expressing their grief. Some of it is very easy to see, but often it can be so subtle you can miss the signs.

Thanks again for sharing!

Lesley