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I am going to post a copy of a post (yes, that's what I said...LOL) that I made several months ago on another forum at this site.
Some of the info might not be so pertinent, in that you already know the baby will be multiracial, and there is no chance of the baby being CC (which was a possibility for the previous thread). But, the main info remains my opinion of what is most important when adopting across racial lines.
Other posters here, have stated the importance of talking to your dh's family about this beforehand. Even though they may seem 'closed' about this, at least you can know the extent of their racism; and realize that any racism is too much.
And.....if you decide to consider this, keep in mind that you may find yourself excluding family members from your get-togethers. While this may seem a drastic measure to some, it could also be detrimental to have people like this around your child as s/he grows up.
At any rate, I hope this 'previous post' is helpful in some way.
Now I'll go out on a limb here.......
While I think it's important for you to consider how this child will grow up.......it is more important (IMO).....for you to recognize how you both will feel about this child.
Situations change. Neighborhoods change. (We live in a very rural area...predominately white......10 miles from the nearest college town that is more diverse.)......but, I can tell you that---for most of their years---we raised our first two within this environment, very successfully.....and they are Asian (now grown and on their own). Our youngest two are AA, and still toddlers.
Yes, there are concerns. Yes, there will be some hurdles to overcome...but the bottom line in everything I have read is 'how will you deal with forever being a family of color?'
Are you both prepared to cry, laugh and discuss with your child about this hard world of racism? Is there a chance that you will continually wish you had a bi-racial child, or CC baby instead? And....given that this baby might be AA......will you be disappointed that s/he might not have a lighter complexion, or more CC features?
One of the saddest things I have seen...is when adoptive parents go into transracial adoption.....and continually try to make the child/baby seem 'lighter'.....try to 'play down' the darker complexion'........or read about the parents talking about 'how this baby just doesn't seem to be like ours......'
These are the things I find more important. You can always find more people to be with, a new neighborhood, a different church, it's true. But, if there is even a twinge of 'gee, I wish s/he were lighter, or really CC'......then I think there are deeper issues here that need to be addressed before taking in any child of color.
Please understand, I do not mean to offend you. I can appreciate that you're asking questions because you and your husband are taking this move seriously. (And this is good, because I don't think a lot of people do...)
But, it's the 'gut-level' feeling I would be paying more attention to. After all......regardless of color, this baby/child/teen and adult will be depending on you to steer them through life, love them and be by their side. At the end of the day, it's that relationship that will be paramount in the scheme of things, I think.
My best to you in whatever you decide....
Sincerely,
Linny
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