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Pooh:
I think you have made a good choice for your family. Maybe someone else said this too, but I'll second then, that 'if it doesn't feel right for you, don't proceed'.
In reference to the facial features and the extent of the damage...'blessed' made a good point: ... that so often the damage cannot be assessed until much later.
We turned down a situation a couple of years ago where the baby was already born (premie), and birthmom had already relinquished her rights and left the hospital. He was born with drugs in his system---which we felt we could deal with. He had no withdrawal symptoms.....was 'seemingly healthy' and doing very well in the NICU. --Was to be released within the next two weeks, and the hospital MD's were offering to allow me a lot of accomodations to be with him until his hospital release.
One major thing kept us from saying, 'yes'. Birthmom had admitted to a lot of alcohol use during the pregnancy. The caseworker did not feel it was 'proper' to inquire about the extent of the use. (We felt this was negligent on the cw'er's part.) Because we could not even know whether the use was moderate, minor or extensive, we turned the situation down.
Dh was not so sure, and we discussed this wee one for the next two hours while driving home. I've never regretted our decision to say 'no'; and I know another couple were thrilled to adopt him.
But, it just didn't feel 'right' inwardly. THAT was a huge deciding factor for me.
Hang in there. Your baby will find you.
Sincerely,
Linny
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