[stevenstwin]

okay, this has been building for a while, and I finally need to post about it. I'm actually feeling both frustrated and depressed :-( I'm really feeling like it's an uphill fight to be recognized as A.s parent. First of all, I have a social worker who is REALLY hard to get ahold of (yes, I know that's the norm!)- she's very verbally supportive, but it's awfully hard to get any real follow through. We've been trying to get a passport for MONTHS for our trip to DisneyWorld. Since I'm not his parent, I can't apply for a passport. She's going to have to drive him 3.5 hours to the nearest major city to do it. She rarely returns emails or phone calls - she STILL hasn't even given us full disclosure on A's background, which should have been done when we first got him - which makes me wonder if she's got "secrets" or details I don't know. She also loves to remind us both that SHE is his legal guardian. She really personalizes it - I know that Children's Services IS his legal guardian, but she's says things like "remember, A, *I'm* your real guardian so you have to do what *I* say." Well, if YOU, personally, are his guardian - just let us know when you've got his bed ready! Really, she only sees him once every 3 months or so, and her case load is to big that she doesn't have the TIME to be actively involved in the case of child who has already had parental rights terminated and is in a safe, stable, long term foster home. But my problem this week is the school!! He was suspended for fighting 2 weeks ago, and the school called the social worker INSTEAD of me! She actually had to tell them that yes, I have the authority to deal with all school issues.Even then, they reported back to her on the results of our parent meeting with the other boy, and such. Somehow it just ends up feeling like a violation of privacy. Legally, technically, she has the right to know and judge every parenting decision I make. She's never given me any trouble, but it sure feels like I'm living under a microscope. Now today- I found out "accidentally" (I work at this school after all!) that they are having a meeting about A! They are having all teachers meet to discuss if they are having problems with him, and to write up an IEP (individualized program - he has one every year due to his behavioural challebges). Hmmm..I wasn't invited. I know my rights - or thought I did - so I told them that as the parent, I should have been asked to attend. You know what they told me? "Sorry, you aren't the legal guardian - we DID extend an invitation to K. (the SW) but she can't make it." I was then also informed that when the IEP is finished,they won't even give me a copy! They'll get K. to sign it, and I won't even get to SEE it unless SHE gives me a copy! At every turn I'm hearing "YOU aren't the legal guardian, so we won't deal with you." It makes me feel redundant and like nothing more than a babysitter - and it is so SENSELESS asking someone who barely knows him to make decisions, and then not even letting his "mom" know what's going on. How the heck can you expect me to parent every day and support his education and his teachers if you won't even TELL me what's going on?? The only solution would be for us to immediately file for Private Guardianship - but we seem to be getting some pressure not to do that - his counsellor advises against it (I won't go into it as I've posted about it separately). He tells everyone I'm his mom, calls the girls his sisters, and refers to us as his family. There just seems to be a weird sort of vibe out there that people feel free to tell you how to parent in a way they wouldn't with your bio kids. I've even had the vice principal and special ed teacher tell me that they've know A. BETTER than me, and I'm just being manipulated by him. (the VP has known him "longer", and the SpEd teacher has seen all his psych reports, and of course has training in "that kind" of kid. But hey, what do I know? I'm not a trained professional, I've just spent practically every minute of his life with him for nearly a year.) I feel quite depressed by it all, and have moments of really wondering if I can keep on trying to parent him with so much interference.