I've been thinking and thinking about this since the topic first showed up and I think I'm finally ready to reply.
Labels labels labels...what to do about them? Bear with me please, I promise I have a point. Lol.
When I was growing up, lots of people referred to me as "Oriental" and I didn't mind at all. Then one day I heard it was icky and politically incorrect...little by little I started to feel it was a wrong thing to be called. The standard term today is "Asian" but just recently one of my younger cousins was saying that's icky/politically incorrect/inappropriate. She says people should ask before applying a generic label. I never had a problem with "Asian" before but thinking about it, I can see her point. Birthmom is same situation for me. I was called a birthmom pre-placement by the agency. Never thought about it at all. Back then, I can't say having that title applied to me pre-placement was the thing that made me feel coerced. I did not feel "less than" either because clearly I was the one carrying life. I still attempted to parent for 1 month before external pressures and bad circumstances caused me to go ahead with the adoption. I didn't even consider "birthmom" bad terminology until I visited here...now it feels icky and not ok. So my answer now is no, a mom cannot be a birthmom pre-placement. Clearly that offends many and that's a good valid reason as far as I'm concerned. No one like to feel this way and I'm sure no one wishes to offend. Before I wouldn't have thought about it but now I see why that's no good to say birthmom pre-placement. I must say I had no idea that "potential birthmom" was offensive but I guess so.