Hi poohbear,
I wouldn't be real pleased hearing that news, and after muttering a few choice words, I'd probably get online and start researching it. So...I found a couple of sites that should be extremely reputable with regard to reliable information - the CDC and the Nat'l Org. on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Be patient with yourself. It can get very frustrating to find that in order to understand one sentence, I have to look up definitions for 5 words, but it gets easier as I go along.
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, NCBDDD, CDC
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, birth defects at NOFAS
This seems like one of those issues on a continuum. At one end is the much-preferred abstinence, and at the other is full-blown alcoholism and drinking possibly a fifth per day, every day, or more.
What's done is done. I'd talk to the social worker again after doing enough research that I could ask relevant questions.
I'm an alcoholic who quit drinking 3 yrs ago. One of the things that concerns me is that she's
admitting to 3-4 drinks, a couple of times/week until August. I can't speak for her, but I know from personal experience as well as talking to others who were also quitting, that what we admitted to and the truth didn't always match up - especially if we had reason to feel badly/guilty/ashamed.
Right now it's not about recriminations. She shouldn't have, but did. So, research as to damage; what kind, if any; how much damage, if any; short or long term, etc. For now, assume that the amounts, frequency and duration that your social worker gave are accurate. When you feel fairly knowledgeable about it or feel you can find your way around a site and have a vague idea about the lingo, then I'd call the social worker again and see what other info is available.
One thing I've learned about the internet is not to be shy about asking for info. If I've done what I can and learned what I could find out, but want more from experts, I'll write to whoever's on the other end of that "Contact Us" that you see on almost every site. So if worse comes to worse, write to the sites I linked and ask them questions. I always ask what I want, and add something like "or can you direct me to where I might get more information". I've found that most organizations/people are willing to help if I'm patient and respectful.
I hope this helps. {hug}
heartbeat [edit: When you talk to the social worker again, you might let her know the importance of knowing how much drinking the mom was doing, (and has she stopped completely) because that's the info of primary importance. Assure her that it's not to use against anyone, but you need complete honesty in order to answer your own questions]