[mom2GRLC]

Maybe the original poster should not be looking into adoption at all. Obviously they were only looking to adopt a child and save the child form A MONSTER birthparent!!!

I can tell you right now that even those parents who have abused or neglected their children or are hooked on drugs love their children. They will almost always feel like you or the system "stole" their baby. Regardless of the circumstances behind them coming into care or coming up for adoption. So Foster adoption wouldn't be the way to go.

And domestic adoption would be out of the question because many birthmothers are just noraml every day people who would love to keep their babies if they had the finanicail means or support they need to do so.

So maybe adoption just isn't right for the original poster. At least not until they got a grasp of what adoption is really about and how it can be a positive thing for the child and a needful thing for the birthfamily.

In life things happen. You can either learn from it, grow from it, help make things better or you can just give up and be angry about stuff.

Fostercare is a necessary thing. Think of all the families whose lives have been changed for the better. Think of all the children who now have a healthy future. You can't dissmiss a whole system because of one bad expereince. I agree the social worker was acting unprofessionally. But in the end the system worked didn't it? The child was returned to it's parents. So the system didn't fail in that case. You asked us to look at our motives. I would turn that back on you.....

If your motives were truly for the child...then why would you not be happy fopr this family who got thier child back? Why would you give up on the system just because you didn't get your forever child...the way you wanted to?

As foster adopt parents accept children. We also accept that the childs first priority is to try and be re-unified with family. Our place as the childs forever family only happens if the child can not be returned.

In most cases a child remains in foster care for at least a year before the termination hearing. If the parents show any sign of improvement they give them more time. So just because when you receive the child they inform you it looks like the child will come up for adoption. You realize that is only a prediction....really it is up to the parents over that 1-2 year period to do what they need to to get their child back. After that, if they have done nothing...then the case goes to TPR. Then the birthparents can still choose to appeal which can hold up the adoption another 1-2 years.

So for those of us who are excited about a TPR. It'sbecause our children have been with us for a long period of time. We have not seen that parents doing anythign on their case plan. We come to realize that their comes a point when our children deserve permanency and deserve to have paretns who will do whta they need to to care for them properly. Yet even in our excitment to adopt many of us also still recognize the loss that means to our child and to their family. It is a bitter sweet time. The breakign up of a family and the creation of a new one. But when we finally get to that point we know it is a necessary step to take for our children and they are better of because of it.

So please don't come on here passing judgement on everyone. When you really have no idea what it is really like outside of your single expereince.