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We didn't really have much time to come to an agreement (met bmom the night before H was born) though we were open to contact. We were concerned about bmom's feelings and those of her parents so we gave a little more access in the beginning than I'd really had in mind, but it's evened out now. Now it just feels like extended family---they come to special events in H's life, we go to special events in hers, we see them about once a month and send new photos when we have them or call/e-mail if there's a major development.
My personal opinion is that if both the aparents and the bparents employ basic courtesy and kindness toward each other and take a long term view about what's best for the kiddo, the relationship will develop and balance itself naturally.
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