[mom2GRLC]

We adopted through fosotercare so when we first got into it we never imagined having open contact with our childrens birthfamileis when they came.

I adopted my son and had never met his birthfamily. I adopted my daughter in more of a closed type situation and then I was able to adopt my older daughter who we had fostered for a year and a half when her birthmom had to sign over her rights. By then i had participated in these forums for several months and knew open adoption was a possibility and could be healthy and positive for the child but I wasn't sure it wopuld really work int it's very open forms. When her birthmom signed over her rights we kinda jumped into contact without much thought. they knew and we knew that we had plans to move in the next few months so long term direct contact was never really in our future forecast.

But as time went by we didn't move (yet) and we continued to be more open despite some pretty big problems we were working through. We had some hard times where we had to back off some, but now we have a very open relationship. Just this month alone we've talked several times on IM, and have seen each other about 6 times.

We've also just started contact with my son's birthfamily. We met his grandma and cousin at chuck-e-cheese.

We're hoping to get in contact soon with my youngest sons grandma.

So in answer to your question we've had A LOT more contact than we ever imagined possible.

It won't always be this open. We are hoping to move out of state soon and when that happens our visits will be considerably less. But at least we are building a good relationship foundation to grow on.

I think it would be nice to come up with a (minimum) you feel comfortable and slowely build or maintain that. Jumping into contact to soon and to much may be difficult on everyone. Especially when you finally do have to pull back to find and develope what feels comfortable with your family and theirs.