Kind,
I'm an adoptive mom here, so I'll try and answer your questions from that angle. You are already doing everything you need to do in terms of your parents and their feelings. You aren't shutting them out. You are letting them in on what must be a tremendously emotional time for you. They are as you said, your parents and they will love you no matter what.
The best advice I can give is to not shut them out as you continue to talk to your birthmom. Also, I think many adoptive moms do worry about the day their childs birthmom comes into their life. I don't with my biological children. (We, like your parents, had 2 babies after adopting J. They are all our kids and I pray that some day my son speaks of us and his siblings as you do.) This may sound weird, but I know they have no other mom out there. My son has 2 more. His birth mom and his foster mom. I do worry that someday he may replace me with one of them. It's a small fear and one I keep hidden deep in my soul and do not let him know about, but it is there. And in talking to some other adoptive moms, I think I am not alone.
So, if I were your mom, you are already doing what you need to do to. Yes, your parents are adults. So are you and so is your birthmom. But, the reality of humanity is that people have feelings and we do try our best to not stomp on the feelings and lives of the people we love. I would just keep talking to them. Tell your parents your fears. Ask their advice. They may, while not adoptees, be able to help you with briding the gap, defining and starting the relationship you want and need with your birthmom.
Blessings on your reunion. And blessings to both your parents and your birthmon as you all figure this new journey out.
Jenny
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