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Originally Posted by mom of 2
i apprecite you not wanting to hurt your a parents,but am sad they have made you feel responsible to take care of their feelings. like I mentioned earlier because of your broken attachment to your b mom you may feel a need to prove to our a parents your loyalty/Has your b mom had a conversation with your a mom ,to reassure her and establish trust and respect?
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My parents are truly supportive of whatever I decide to do. However, because this is all unexpected and out of the blue for me, I want to be careful about how to proceed. My parents are the most important thing in the world to me....I could not be where I am today without them. I don't feel like I have to take care of their feelings....I feel it is my duty to take their feelings into consideration when I make my decision about how to proceed....I believe any loyal child would do that.
My birth mom has not spoken to my perents. They do not know one another, and have never met. My bmom knew my last name due to a mistake on the adoption papers when she signed them...she saw the last name.....she typed it into the internet last week, and the first thing that came up was my work homepage. She contacted me through that.
Anyway, this has been very good for the relationship I have with my paretns too....they are very thankful that I have shared all of this with them, but they don't know what to feel, and won't tell me what they feel....they just said, it is your decision, and we support you whatever you decide to do.
I was just wondering what they may be feeling and thinking so that I know how to address their feelings and concerns....because it is new to all of us, we are all a bit unsure how to feel at this time.
I have asked my birth mother exactely what her hopes and expectations are in all of this...I want to be very clear from the start so that no one gets hurt in the future. I think if we set appropriate boundries and discuss where this is headed now, it will prevent things in the future. I will probably hear back from her tomorrow morning.