[dpen6]

My Story....I am 49 years old, have a career, family, married 24 years. Never been admitted to a pshe hosptial and very much loved my parents.

I was born to my biomom as her 3rd out of wedlock pregnany. Was in foster care for 2 years, 6 different placements in that short time. My birthmom, I beleive was "coerced" into sighning. she wanted to keep me but could not get it together to do so, so she thought that foster care was the answer. Fineely a shrp SW decided I NEEDED to be adopted before more damage was done. There was no drug or ETOH abuse.

I was adopted into a wonderful family. Now mind you this was back in the late fiffies early sixties....My mom was totally open about our adoptions and whatever info she had. She
NEVERpassed a judgemental comment about any of our birthfamilies...I grew up feeling very loved and happy that I was in that family. Now we were not the Waltons....she was not a saint but I will say she handled out adoptions very well.

I went on to search when I was in my late twenties. My mom did not take it personally. she got why I needed to and it had NOTHING to do with my love for her. That faact that she understood and sipported my efforts to search is something that I will alwys be thankful for. The fact that she did not become threateded and terrortorail over my existence is something I will alwys being thankful for. At the time did I realize what a gift she gave me for understanding and honering who I was..no...I was a self absorbed 20 soemthing. Although I did make it quite clear to her that she was my mom...forever. she actually watched my older 2 on the first face to face meeting.

Am I thankful I was adopted...no...the reasons for adoption are sad to begin with....having a child lose biological family is sad. But many times necessary. Am I glad that I was not brought up in my birthfamily such as is was...YES....am I glad that I was brought up with the family I was ...YES.

There can be happy contented adoptees that still search...searching is not a measure of one happiness. It has been pretty much detrimed that searching is NOT a sgn of pathology.

There was no such thing as open adoption in my day...I can not fathom living that. But looking back, I think I would have benefited from a semi open....

Also, each situation is so differnt that I don't think your questions can be answered as an acrooss the board. each situation needs to be treated for that particual situation. Severe abuse comes with different problems, age of the child comes with different problems and all come into adulthood with differnt feelings about our situations.

Did I feel like I belonged...YEs, I felt secure in my parents love for me...but I was very aware of the bilogical differneces.....But I was also aware of the fact that if I had stayed with biology my life would have been very different. The one thing tho' that I remember is not feeling "good enough"...smart enough, pretty enough....those feelings alll came from me...my mom did not do anything to make me feel thast way....I am thinking that it may have had something to do with being bounced around so much...but who knows!

What can you do to help a child...well educate yourself, and just be respectful of their situation. As hard as it is to not feel resntful of abusive paretns....I would mind getting a few in a locked room....the child beginings still come from those people..and the child internalizes that.