[merrill1277]

If you can call a pregnant women a mother before the act of giving birth, it certainly stands to reason that you could call a pregnant woman considering adoption a birthmother before giving birth, so why the split hairs?

Just a few thoughts on this...


1. Calling an expectant mother a birth mother before the birth of her child can create a subtle expectation that she will become a birth mother or is in the process of becoming one, prematurely. Think about the power of suggestion even if subtle, especially over someone in a vulnerable position and wanting to do what is best for her baby. Should there be room for these subtle expectations or other influences, when such could result in the permanent (physical) separation between a mother and child that otherwise might not have?


2. The bond between a mother and her unborn baby (for most) begins well before birth, and is so much more than a physical connection only but an unseen deeply felt bond that continues through time and space. The pre-birth bond (imo the beginning of motherhood) is what compells her, as any (healthy) mother, to protect, care for, and do what is needed for her unborn child's physical and emotional health, safety and wellbeing. Does this term birthmother reduce her role to an event (birth)... albeit an important event, even before the birth of her child which could, in effect, separate her body from her mind, soul and spirit... the parts of her where a mother's bond and love resides? What does this psychological separation or 'shutting off' of the fullness of emotion, feeling, thought, connection do to the unborn child? If this thought process is occuring in the minds of others (for example agency or PAPs) how is it influencing her own thought processes?


3. Last, a quote to think about:

"If thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought" George Orwell.

What comes to people's minds with the word birthmother? I guess this would depend on what and how each individual thinks, but on the internet people think out loud and I frequently see use of the term in a reductionist way - reducing her role (pre or post birth) rather than accepting the fullness of it - the danger of this to the still-expecting mother being that she could internalize this (reduced role) and prematurely shift away from feeling the bond that is there between her and baby, causing her to prematurely relegate decisions to others that should still be hers to decide. Considering adoption is not the same as actually choosing it after the birth (for those who have real choice) therefore I don't believe an expectant mother should be called a birthmother.