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If I were in your shoes I would explain my rationale to her. I would then say if the husband absolutely had to be involved I would go to a neutral location (as far away formyour house as possible) and then have someone there with you with your children. If she responds negatively this is her choice. Is it a open adoption? If she does respond negatively ot your request I would gently remind her that you do not have to let her see your child at all and that this is a courtesy to her.JMO.
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Paula reunited adoptee 04/14/04............. 
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