This thread has been absoutely fascinating! It certainly has provoked highly emotional opinions. I found myself cheering some on while curious about others. If my child looks up to his or her grandparents and that grp's opinion is one of racism then there would not be many if any visits. I would feel this way even if my child were CC My daughter happens to be multiracial so it's interesting the conversations that occur when people don't know she is multiracial or that my bfriend is black. I've already started cutting off relationships and forging others for my daughter's best interest. It also happens to work out in my best interest since I prefer a variety of people. Lisa, I wish I had your group of friends!
The discussion of "being raised black" was pretty interesting. I just think it's on the inside. To be aware of where one comes from and the past that comes along with it. Unfortunately not all of the history is good but it must be told. My daughter will have to learn about slavery,internment camps, the mob and reservations. At the same time she will also learn about the positive aspects of these wonderful people that have blended together to make this beautiful child.
I've had occasion to discuss this topic with a friend of mine. He quickly reminded me that noteveryone has my opinion and that if someone is not willing to step outside of themselves then folks of the black race would rather they not adopt a child of color since that child would be missing out on some very vital information about themselves and where they come from.
What I don't understand is that why can't people get in their car and drive to a large city close to them and get the cultural diversity that a child could benefit from? It's not that hard. Not all these rural areas that everyone seems to be from are in the middle of a cornfield. There has got to be someplace you can go to step outside of your lily white town. I realize that not everyone has the fortune of living down the road from Detroit, Atlanta, Chicago, or New York. I'm just curious about your surrounding areas.
I would not advocate a couple adopting an AA child if they couldn't handle it but I just don't understand why a child from China or South America is easier to handle. Please don't compare apples and oranges by saying that you wouldn't be equipped to rear a child with mental/physical challenges and then saying that you can't handle an AA child. Resources for raising an AA child are at arm's length.
The point was also brought up about you neverknow who your child will bring home to meet the folks. Are you saying that your spouse could not/would not bond with a son/daughter-in-law that is black. Would there be a bond with the grandkids or would it depend on what degree of skin tone the child turns out to be? Some AA get darker as they age. My daughter is darker now than when she was born.
One lady pointed out to me that in some photos my daughter looks AA. She also pointed out that when the summer comes she'll get obviously darker. This same lady said this with great pride as she is AA and likes pointing out that my daughter is AA. Another lady I know is Asian(Japanese)/AA. She has taken photos of our children together and sent them to her family members. They all want to know if my daughter is Japanese because she looks like she belongs to their family. My point is that I would be doing my daughter a great disservice if I raised her strictly white and gave her no background knowledge.
Please don't think that AA are exclusionary in recognizing when a person doesn't "act" like they think they should. Individuals that do not chose to get to know me think I am "one of those." You know, I'll only date "black guys" or nosy CC have even had the nerve to ask me if it's true what the say about black guys. Or if they hear a radio loudly playing R&B they automatically think it's me.
The OP was "Is it a cop-out?" My opionion is, yes, but I don't have to walk in your shoes and I don't know what your life is like. I myself think living outside of the box is much more interesting but then again I'm not known for following the norm.
I do wish you all of you the best in whatever road God sends you down. I hope I haven't gone on too much but I've just joined and had to catch up on two months of this particular thread. It took a while since a three year old's patience level is not at the highest.
Lots of love to everyone
SHD