[dadfor2]

we finally have our new son placed with us.

hi molly

a couple of thoughts i had, the biggest being that homework for this child is not in his prioty. He is 'finally' placed with you.

you have more impotant things to do at this stage then homework and battles. He needs to feel safe and heard.

talk to his teachers and explain that you need time to bond and the homework is a battle and that will not help with attachment and bonding.

in the end, whats more important, a child that is attached to his family, or if his homework is done?

if the teacher insists that he have homework, then the teacher should be more then happy to stay after school and do it with him or she/he can find a tutor or aid to help him IN SCHOOL.

most likely your child is far behind, or will be, but he will catch up once he feels settled in. he is only 8!!!

now with that being said....i do have some ideas that has helped my children. (just to make it clear, i dont think a newly placed child has 'education' as his main priority, so i would advice to do more 'loving' then 'battling' at this stage.)

i went to michaels art supplies store and got picture boxes.

each kid has one. I put all kinda of things in it, like pencils, erasers, stickers and things like that. ITs called their 'homework' boxes.

i sit them down, one at a time. NO TV on anywhere....usually the other one is in the bath.

oh, heres the biggy...in their homework boxes is 2 little candy bars.

they get these little candy bars when they finish. YOu can give one to them for just sitting down, and the other when they are finished. or you can give them half way, or you can give them both at the end.

this has worked well with my kids to stop the tantruming around homework.

another thing you can try is use a timer, and this is used to just get in the habit of sitting down and doing something.

set the timer for 5 min, and when it ggoes off, homework stop,no matter what!!!!!!!!!!!!

if its too long, try 1 minute..the goal is for the child to just kinda sit still and make that 'homework' space.

anyway, one other thing to point out, that some kids have problems with homwork with their parents because of self estemm issues. They dont want to show the parents what they dont know. Even if they know, they dont want the parents to know...it just triggers so much for our kids.

'will you still love him and want him if he doesnt know the answer?"

he cant be too sure.

behaviors are a childs language...he doesnt like to tantrum, just as much as you dont like to listen to, but he doesnt have the words yet.

so, i say 'the heck with the homework' you have more important things to do with him then if he can add at this point.

congrats by the way.......these kids are so complex, but i think if we keep educating ourselves and talking to other parents, and get these kinda issues 'out there', we just might find it easier to deal with.