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I think it is always good to discuss things like this so that we take the time to read, educate ourselves and learn :-)
I work in child health and part of that also includes adoption. I can honstly say that adopted children turn out just fine, happy, well-adjusted, flexible and able to form good relationships. The highlighted problems often occur when their adoptive home didn't attach to the child, the child was made to feel ashamed of adoption or when the child was significantly older and had other risk factors. The people that seek out those forums are not the average adopted person.
Another problem I see more and more is that adoptive children exist in a fish bowl. People constantly look and seek out problems with them beause they are adopted. I will give an example. A Dr I work with and who is a friend (although after this I don't spend too much time with her) was commenting on a colleagues children. The colleague had a 28 year old and an 18 year old. What I didn't know prior to this was that the 18 year old was adopted. This Dr friend of mine was saying about how bad he was - smoking, bad grades etc. I said that hardly constituted a 'bad kid' and that many teenagers go through times where they don't fit academically etc. I mentioned that the older son also had had a time finding what his calling was and I am sure this son was settled.
'Oh no' she said 'X is adopted, there will always be something weird about him, he is bound to turn out bad because he probably came from bad people'. I at that comment felt SICK to my stomach, and politely said that whether a child is or is not adopted had nothing to do with it. Said I felt uncomfortable with this conversation (should have said that straight away) and left.
The funny thing is the Dr I mentioned has 2 of the WORSTY behaved children I have ever met. They are 7 and 8 - kick, hit, bite, scratch have pushed their mom down the steps, swear etc. They are spoiled little madams and they need the supernanny! lol But yet, if they were adopted children, people would make assumptions about thier backgrounds, etc. Do you see my point? People look for problems with adoptive families that they don't with birth families.
A lot of teenagers and young people go through something - low self esteem, smoking, bad grades at some point, eating disorder, feeling depressed or low, I think it is easy to say 'oh it is beacause they are adopted' and they may even think it is why, but it is actually not the reason they feel depressed, conflicted etc.
thanks for starting a great post. Your child will be fine and your family will be much richer through the adoption experience.
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