|
Banjo, I can understand your position in all this. I can imagine it must be difficult for you to not have as much contact with your bdaughter as you would like. I do have one question, however. How long have you been in reunion with your bdaughter? I ask because that also makes a difference. I agree with irisheyes33, if you feel that at this point in time you cannot continue with a relationship with your bdaughter, you do need to explain to her something along the lines of "I was looking for more out of our relationship, but I get the feeling you are not comfortable with that at this time. I will be here if and when you are ready for further contact." Or something to that effect. I am a huge fan of honesty no matter what, especially when adoption is the concern. So I think that you need to be honest with her about how you feel without burning any bridges. If she does feel anger towards you and her adoption, she is going to need to work through that without ultimatums from you. (I, by no means mean that in a rude way.) Another question I have is, who found who? Did she find you or did you find her? That could also be a reason for her "distance" in the relationship. If you found her, she may not have been ready for that at this point in her life, something you will have to respect. Also, if she found you, she may have only been looking to ease her curiosity. Not to say it won't develope into something more in the future, but that is all she may have wanted. As far as loyalty to aparents go, it is stronger than a lot of bparents know. A lot of adoptees have such strong feelings of guilt for finding bfamily and sharing it (or at times, hiding it) from aparents. Which is again, something she will have to work thru when she is ready. I think you need to do what's best for you. But remember, not all adoptees act "this" way. At times, it's the bparents who act this way and we are left to wonder what happened.
|