Banjo, I have a lot of sympathy for you. I am in a very close relationship (despite the distance) with my birthmother, but she did not want contact at first. One of the reasons for that was she was afraid I would extract the curiosities and answers I needed from her and then toss her aside. She couldn't deal with that. For her, it was an all or nothing proposition. She also knew it wasn't fair to ask that of me, so she hid at first. I had to really come knocking and convince her that, assuming we were going to be open and honest and good to each other, that we could certainly have an ongoing relationship. I love my birthmother dearly, but the best part about our relationship is that we are such terrific friends. We have a lot in common. That, coupled with the birth bond, has made us healthy and I would venture to say inseperable.
I see nothing wrong with communicating with your birthchild that you simply cannot cope with the sporadic contact because it is too hard on you, and that you don't wish to be hurtful, but if that's all they can handle that you need to go your own way FOR NOW. Don't make that the final straw though...you never know what the future will bring. This just may not be the right time. But the bottom line is...you need to take care of yourself. And you can do it, in this case, without leaving lifelong wounds or throwing a heap of obligation on your child.
Good luck
