[JohnnaMJH]

I adopted a 3yo who had a very traumatic separation from his FM. She did nothing to make him at ease and in fact probably made it 100 times worse, although it probably would've been hard no matter what.

Anyway, I saw an attachment therapist shorly after he came home.

Some advice, shrink his world. Leave out minimal toys and keep to a very good routine. You can even have him play on a blanket near you, like a baby would do since in terms of attachment, he is more like an infant. Set strict rules and keep to them. Do not lose your temper (I failed at this all the time, but it is the ideal) rather calmly give consequences for breaking the rules. Ritualize things, bedtime, weekly church services, etc. Establishing rituals helps build a foundation as part of your family. Our therapist even suggested a certain time each week for looking at his old pictures and talking about the past. Play games w/eye contact, like peek a boo, or I would look in the car rear view mirror and smile and make faces. We didn't co sleep, which was fine by the therapist. At first I had him fall asleep in our bed and moved him to the small bed in our room, then I had him fall asleep in our room while I was on our bed, then I tucked him in and left, then he moved to a room with his brothers. This part took close to 9mos.

Good luck, it is very hard, but they make progress little by little and finally after some time you realize that you've made big strides. Also, you may want to read Love and Logic for some advice. Attachment disordered kids are not always logical in their thinking (otherwise they would attach to you and see why that was a good thing!) but the techniques for dealing with things in a rational manner are helpful.