I dont think it sounds like you are blaming... at all.
What I think might be helpful for a second though, is this...
Read this.. as a mom on this site wanting to help others (Not even as an adoptive one, just a mom in general)
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Other kids don't like to play with her. She is extremely loud and talks non stop. We debated about not putting her in kindergarten this year b/c I did not feel she was ready. Her prek teacher thought she was. She is VERY smart but does not sit still long enough to follow through with anything. She still at 5 will not even sit through a meal; she is antsy all the time.
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It is pretty harsh.
It sounds like there is a communication barrier.. so you have identified what you see to be issues... could it be ADHD, sure... but it could also NOT be... it could be overcompensation... or overwhelmedness....
So take what you wrote and try to see... ok... so my way of communicating with her is not helping, and instead of trying to get her to "Get" what you are saying... try to figure out how to communicate with her on a level that is going to click in her head.
I dont think this even has to be an adoption issue... there are tons of families out there with children who just have a temperament that is so different than the parents, that it is frusterating.
But if you learn how to communicate with her... then she will learn how to communicate with you and take that with her through life.
It doesnt sound like there is any blame here.