I applaud you for having the courage to call the adad to speak parent to parent out of concern for your son, in spite of your history and all the awkwardness. That was a truly adult thing to do. And then to offer/request that they be present and involved for a reunion with your bson was also generous, mature and respectful. I know it wasn't because you respect them (I've read your story) but because you want to do the best thing and make a healthier situation for the boy. That's positively parental!
I've heard your anger and your hurt in your other posts, I know that this is something that you have been deeply wounded by and that you have been counting the days to his 18th bday. So I really respect that you have the maturity to set the past aside and still make the offer to his parents to work together with you, rather than just going straight for the boy. Taking the higher road. Doing not you feel "justified" in doing, but doing what will be best for your kid. Please accept my encouragement and support to stay that course, even when it feels like it sucks!
As for what he said about the boy not being interested in his bfamily. How could that not hurt? Deeply. But let me encourage you that it may not bepersonal as far as the boy is concerned. I know your history with the parents is VERY personal. But the kid is probably clueless about most if not all of it, at this point and just knows he's adopted- so it's probably just a developmental thing for the boy. It's not unusual for a high school senior boy to be interested in just his own little world as he knows it (girls, friends, girls, cars, girls, dating, girls, guitars, girls, sports, girls etc.
) and not have any desire to go outside of their little personal sphere. I have one. I'm the amom. And I would never prevent the bmom from reunion- when my son is ready and wants it. And he just doesn't. No anger or prejudice. Just lack of interest. I've seen many other posts that affirm that it's pretty rare for an 18-yr-old (boy, especially) to be ready and willing to reunite.
You have 2 major challenges:
1. the parents know that the adoption was against your will and have probably lived in dread for the day when that will be brought home for reckoning. Even if you don't intend to bring it up to the boy, I imagine they think you are probably dying to tell him. And they fear that. They have good reason to fear it. They will likely not be supportive of a reunion any time soon.
2. Number 1 makes it a hard situation for the boy, especially since, in spite of legal adulthood, he's still a kid living with his parents, just moving along the long road to independence and adulthood- which is when really caring about things outside of his own amusement and his own world will kick in.
So I hope for you, that you have a really good support system for the likelihood that he won't be ready at 18, even though that is when the legal "wall" falls for you. I hope you have someone to hug you all the way through to when he is ready and willing to meet and get to know you. And when you feel like just acting out in anger or frustration- just whip out a post or call a friend or picture little me hugging you saying "Keep taking the high road honey- it WILL pay off. The truth will out. The truth will set you free."
You have been a CHAMP so far. Keep hanging in honey. Keep hanging in.